Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
