we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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