I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
