can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
