Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
