none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
