i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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