I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize