i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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