If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
