dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
