What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Small penises have feelings too.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
