im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
