im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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