We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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