i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
