Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
