you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
