I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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