I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
