She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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