The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
