i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
