found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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