From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize