I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
