The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
