Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My vagina just recognized that song.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize