I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
