The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
