What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
