Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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