I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
