I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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