My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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