well I can't set my house on fire every night
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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