Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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