I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
