u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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