I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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