So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
