i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
