Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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