I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
if only i could text you this smell
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My bed is full of blood and feathers
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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