You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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