Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
