Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
