So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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