i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize