Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
