So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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