Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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