i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
