The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
