do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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