I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
