last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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