There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
