i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
