I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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