I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Randomize
