so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
