I met the friendliest cop last night
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
