Got a toothbrush?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
