I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
